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The Grand Tour: Lochdown review – Clarkson, May and Hammond drive Scotland out of the union

The patriarchy’s Cheeky Girls bumble their way through a bants-filled Highlands holiday, leaving carnage – and surely a spike in support for Scottish independence – in their wake

I had high hopes for this diplomatic incident masquerading as a TV travelogue through Scotland. Fingers crossed, patriarchy’s answer to Katie Hopkins and the Cheeky Girls would get chucked out of Scotland just as they were from Argentina while filming Top Gear. During that 2014 debacle, Jeremy Clarkson, James May and Richard Hammond were attacked for driving a Porsche whose number plate – H982 FKL – was deemed a reference to Britain’s victory in the 1982 Falklands conflict. In the resulting unpleasantness, the three presenters took a helicopter to safety, like the last chopper out of Saigon, leaving the crew to defend that oxymoron, British honour.

Indeed, there is surely nothing more apt to make Nicola Sturgeon unleash the ancestral claymore than the sight of three English muppets in gas-guzzling Yank tanks (Lincoln Continental, Cadillac Coupe de Ville and Buick Riviera, each more productive of Greta Thunberg’s tears than a cormorant with its beak stuck in a can of Irn-Bru) heading north from Berwick-upon-Tweed.

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