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If Harry and Meghan want a quieter life, they need to be more boring. Here’s how

Less public pontificating; more afternoons spent flower arranging. If generous Uncle Elton wants to see you, let him make the journey to you

Those angered by what feels like nigh-constant nitpicking at the Duke and Duchess of Sussex are not imagining it. The noise is endless. I’ll call their Royal Highnesses “Harry and Meghan” from this stage on because, let’s be frank, this is the sort of breezy informality you invite when you reach out to fans daily via Instagram inspirational messages, plug an ethical clothing label, allow Jameela Jamil to fight your battles on Twitter, broadcast your daddy issues via open letters, share your mental health history on podcasts, milk the press for their attention, then loathe the press for their attention, and cadge free holidays from wealthier, internationally famous people.

None of this, I must stress is wrong – and in celebrity land, it’s completely humdrum. Particularly the free holiday part. Very rich celebs can rarely finance the calibre of holiday they feel befits them. Summers are for leaning heavily on benevolent, social-climbing billionaires who proffer mansions in Cap d’Antibes, yachts to pooter around the Aegean in, and helicopters to get seamlessly to Cape Cod.

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